Stories
1. Being transgender in high school proved to be difficult with inconveniences and lack of privilege that most people do not think about. I realized I was transgender my junior year of high school. I was lucky enough to go to a high school that was generally open-minded and with faculty/staff who were supportive in whatever way they knew how to. Upon realizing I was born in the wrong body, I remember having to make a trip to the school before the year started to talk to each of my teacher’s to make sure they used my chosen name, instead of saying my birthname. This proactiveness was to save me from the awkward and embarrassing moment of being called a girl’s name, when I very evidently am not physically female. Then, I had to have a conversation with my school administrator on which bathrooms to use because I felt extremely uncomfortable in the female bathroom and I encountered weird stares from other girls because I looked male (as I am). However, I could not use the male restrooms in high school at this time because enough of my peers knew me that it wouldn’t go over well. The solution ended up being that I could use the nurses single stall bathroom and the female bathroom that only faculty were allowed to use which had a key to. This set up definitely helped me feel more comfortable with my needs for a bathroom, but it didn’t make things easier. Whenever I had to go to the bathroom I had two choices in which bathroom I could use, and if I was in a classroom that was on the third floor, or on the other end of the hallway from where the two bathroom options were, I had to do a bit of a trek, instead of being able to just walk next door to all the bathrooms that were located on each floor. During my junior year I played softball on my school’s varsity team and I went back and forth with myself on whether or not I was going to continue to play softball. Ultimately I decided to continue, and I am glad I did. But that did not come without any troubles. My teammates and coach never gave me trouble and were generally accepting, or at least not outwardly discriminatory against me. My coach and teammates called me by my last name, a very sportsy thing that worked out well for me. The most uncomfortable thing for me playing softball in high school was the confused looks and remarks I heard and saw while being with my teammates. When we did training, and ran around the halls of our school, I came across multiple boys wondering why I was with the softball team because I did not look like a girl. Practicing outside with all the girls was like being in a fish bowl for me because I was very aware of all my peers walking by seeing my and wondering what I was doing on a girls team; I wondered the same thing, but accepted and knew my reality.
Being transgender also put me in a hard place with my friends. Don’t get me wrong, I had very supportive friends during my high school years, but even something like this can’t be easy for all involved. While my friends respected my pronouns and name change, and even treated me as the guy that I am, there was a distance that I noticed happen in my relationships. In hindsight I realize this distance was because of the difference between them and me. While they could all be supportive, there was still so much they didn’t know about my life and struggles and gender identity. Not being part of the LGBTQ community can make it harder for a person to maintain a fully understanding relationship with his/her LGBTQ friend. It also makes it hard for the LGBTQ identified person because while they love their friends, the sense of complete understanding gets lost and it can be hard to deal with. So while you can have the nicest and most supportive friends in the world, there can still be a piece in the relationship where the two of you get alienated unintentionally.
When I got into college things changed and have shaped up to be fantastic. By this time I had legally changed my name and was in the process of changing my gender marker on my legal documents. Freshman year I had accommodations to make sure I was put in a single room, so I didn’t have to worry about being put in a room with cisgender college boys who may or may not be accepting of who I am. Also, living in that close living quarters would prove to be difficult for me to easily navigate since I had not yet had any physical surgery. About halfway through my freshman year there were rumors going around about why I had a single and I decided to tell my dorm at a dorm meeting to clear up the air. The response was pretty positive. I’m sure many of them didn’t think much of it because of lack of knowledge, and those who were friends with me at that point, just told me they would’ve never known and then moved on. It was like, they heard the information, and then it was just put in the back of their minds, but they didn’t start treating me any different. It was one of the best feelings I have ever had. Through my college experience I never come across the awkwardness of wondering if people think I am a girl. I confidently tell those I trust my trans identity, but don’t worry if others happen to find out. The collective response I have gotten is an “oh. I would’ve never know” and then they continue on with life. The people who have met me in college probably see me as male more than I even see myself, or my high school friends have, because they never knew who I was when I was younger. Knowing I have made it here is amazing and I am thankful for every step of the way and know that I have more to go. For now, I am very happy with where I ended up and my experiences and I wouldn’t change a bit of it.
Being transgender also put me in a hard place with my friends. Don’t get me wrong, I had very supportive friends during my high school years, but even something like this can’t be easy for all involved. While my friends respected my pronouns and name change, and even treated me as the guy that I am, there was a distance that I noticed happen in my relationships. In hindsight I realize this distance was because of the difference between them and me. While they could all be supportive, there was still so much they didn’t know about my life and struggles and gender identity. Not being part of the LGBTQ community can make it harder for a person to maintain a fully understanding relationship with his/her LGBTQ friend. It also makes it hard for the LGBTQ identified person because while they love their friends, the sense of complete understanding gets lost and it can be hard to deal with. So while you can have the nicest and most supportive friends in the world, there can still be a piece in the relationship where the two of you get alienated unintentionally.
When I got into college things changed and have shaped up to be fantastic. By this time I had legally changed my name and was in the process of changing my gender marker on my legal documents. Freshman year I had accommodations to make sure I was put in a single room, so I didn’t have to worry about being put in a room with cisgender college boys who may or may not be accepting of who I am. Also, living in that close living quarters would prove to be difficult for me to easily navigate since I had not yet had any physical surgery. About halfway through my freshman year there were rumors going around about why I had a single and I decided to tell my dorm at a dorm meeting to clear up the air. The response was pretty positive. I’m sure many of them didn’t think much of it because of lack of knowledge, and those who were friends with me at that point, just told me they would’ve never known and then moved on. It was like, they heard the information, and then it was just put in the back of their minds, but they didn’t start treating me any different. It was one of the best feelings I have ever had. Through my college experience I never come across the awkwardness of wondering if people think I am a girl. I confidently tell those I trust my trans identity, but don’t worry if others happen to find out. The collective response I have gotten is an “oh. I would’ve never know” and then they continue on with life. The people who have met me in college probably see me as male more than I even see myself, or my high school friends have, because they never knew who I was when I was younger. Knowing I have made it here is amazing and I am thankful for every step of the way and know that I have more to go. For now, I am very happy with where I ended up and my experiences and I wouldn’t change a bit of it.
2. I was fortunate enough to attend a performing arts school, where sexual and gender identity wasn’t really something you got bullied over. Obviously, I’d be lying if I said we didn’t have a number of people who were intolerant or uneducated, but the overall climate of the school was one of safety and acceptance. Because of the age group, and maybe some other personal factors, there were only a couple “out” transgender teens (male and female) whom I knew about. Before I discovered my identity as a transgender male, those same people would have seemed like anyone else to me, just going from class to class, talking in the hall, or standing in the lunch line. Now that I know them on a deeper level, and I understand the light under their bushels, I feel a bit of novelty in my relationships with them.
Personally coming to terms with my identity as a transgendered male has been, if anything, a rollercoaster. It took me a long time to really figure myself out, along with the insight and patience of my wonderful, beautiful girlfriend. I went through what seems to be a very standard phase of coming out as a gay woman first, then realizing that, while my attraction to females was fine with me, something on my end of the line wasn’t quite connecting. I hadn’t worn a dress since I was 11 or 12. I remember wanting to stand up to use the restroom, and having a penis to have sex (even at the age of 9, I felt this way). At that time, I didn’t understand what all those things were, what they would mean for me as I grew in self-expression and my identity. However, in retrospect, it was those experiences that would lend themselves as tell-tale signs of the person I was meant to be.
Unfortunately, life at home is here and there. I’ll be off to college soon, where the pressure to be a perfect daughter won’t be so great, if present at all. Nobody speaks about my gender identity in my house, not even me. My mother still insists that I’m just going through a phase, despite the early signs (which I always assumed had to be covered up; after all, a little girl who dreamed of having a penis was considered a sick child, in my house). In the past, I’d identified as a gay female, and that alone did not go over very well with my mum, who was beside herself, and my stepfather, who threatened to leave my mother if she didn’t “put me on the right path toward God.” I’ve learned there are some things about people you just can’t change…I only hope that they realize the same thing about me. Despite my secret attraction to suicide as a way out, my parents seldom approach the matter in a sensitive or appropriate way. My mind flops back and forth on the decision--part of me wants to do it to escape, to prove them all wrong. Another part of knows that the best way to prove someone wrong is to outlive and contradict their expectations.
Personally coming to terms with my identity as a transgendered male has been, if anything, a rollercoaster. It took me a long time to really figure myself out, along with the insight and patience of my wonderful, beautiful girlfriend. I went through what seems to be a very standard phase of coming out as a gay woman first, then realizing that, while my attraction to females was fine with me, something on my end of the line wasn’t quite connecting. I hadn’t worn a dress since I was 11 or 12. I remember wanting to stand up to use the restroom, and having a penis to have sex (even at the age of 9, I felt this way). At that time, I didn’t understand what all those things were, what they would mean for me as I grew in self-expression and my identity. However, in retrospect, it was those experiences that would lend themselves as tell-tale signs of the person I was meant to be.
Unfortunately, life at home is here and there. I’ll be off to college soon, where the pressure to be a perfect daughter won’t be so great, if present at all. Nobody speaks about my gender identity in my house, not even me. My mother still insists that I’m just going through a phase, despite the early signs (which I always assumed had to be covered up; after all, a little girl who dreamed of having a penis was considered a sick child, in my house). In the past, I’d identified as a gay female, and that alone did not go over very well with my mum, who was beside herself, and my stepfather, who threatened to leave my mother if she didn’t “put me on the right path toward God.” I’ve learned there are some things about people you just can’t change…I only hope that they realize the same thing about me. Despite my secret attraction to suicide as a way out, my parents seldom approach the matter in a sensitive or appropriate way. My mind flops back and forth on the decision--part of me wants to do it to escape, to prove them all wrong. Another part of knows that the best way to prove someone wrong is to outlive and contradict their expectations.
3. thankfully i got to a university which is very lgbt, along with the city being very open about sexuality which is great for me.
So far in my experience of being openly trans, its been rocky as, at uni its been fantastic! Whilst in my home life, it not been so great. So whilst I’ve been at uni, I’m subconsciously surrounded myself who also identify as LGBT*, along with open minded people, or whoever doesnt care about sexuality and gender - which is fantastic. But in my happy-go-lucky mind set, i have run in to people who didn’t understand it, however when i gave a which run down on if they ever got cut in half, would they still identify as their gender, and when they yes, i would be like, thats how i identify. and they seem to fine with it, and I go on with my day.
i did have a hard time with coming to terms with being transgender which has been in the last year. it was weird because I was basically living a life as trans, just without binding, and knowing i was trans, (going by male online, along with pronouns and being more comfortable with male related things). and when it finally hit me in the face, i got very overwhelmed, and saw it more of a problem than anything else. So after freaking out and making a secret tumblr to calm my nerves and taking it a step by step, i finally started to be who i was, and it was great. And apparently since transitioning, I’ve become a “pretty boy”, which apparently has made me more attractive than before - which i’m not complaining about, it just was bit strange to be told that.
So far in my experience of being openly trans, its been rocky as, at uni its been fantastic! Whilst in my home life, it not been so great. So whilst I’ve been at uni, I’m subconsciously surrounded myself who also identify as LGBT*, along with open minded people, or whoever doesnt care about sexuality and gender - which is fantastic. But in my happy-go-lucky mind set, i have run in to people who didn’t understand it, however when i gave a which run down on if they ever got cut in half, would they still identify as their gender, and when they yes, i would be like, thats how i identify. and they seem to fine with it, and I go on with my day.
i did have a hard time with coming to terms with being transgender which has been in the last year. it was weird because I was basically living a life as trans, just without binding, and knowing i was trans, (going by male online, along with pronouns and being more comfortable with male related things). and when it finally hit me in the face, i got very overwhelmed, and saw it more of a problem than anything else. So after freaking out and making a secret tumblr to calm my nerves and taking it a step by step, i finally started to be who i was, and it was great. And apparently since transitioning, I’ve become a “pretty boy”, which apparently has made me more attractive than before - which i’m not complaining about, it just was bit strange to be told that.